This holiday morning, do you fret about selecting quite the right present for a loved one? I constantly strive, yet everywhere I turn I’m bombarded with impractical ideas. No, I have no desire for a scented wax with a poultry aroma, for the simple reason we’ll be cooking turkey. Nor do I want a dawn-simulating clock, because I can leave the curtains open works just fine. And I definitely don’t want a salmon DNA pink collagen jelly mask, because that genetic material originates in fish semen. Were I seeking fish sperm applied to my skin, I'd simply go fishing.
Finding Inspiration From the Animal Kingdom
Therefore, if you’re always looking for inspiration, my advice is: learn from wildlife. Humans didn’t invent the act of giving. The practice has existed for over a hundred million years, long before our species evolved. Aided by evolution, this has given creatures plenty of time to master the art of giving. Indeed, some spiders go so far as to wrap their presents!
Excluding fitness gear and other things I dislike, we can identify five main types of Christmas gift: edibles, things for the home, jewelry, skincare and apparel. Nature's creatures excels in every category.
Culinary Presents: High-Protein Treats to Artisan Kebabs
Brazilian cuckoos give their partners high-protein snacks such as insects, frogs and lizards. But if you prefer their meat skewered, then look to the butcher bird, also known as Lanius excubitor. The males spear their catch, like insects and mice, onto pointed thorns and branches crafting artisan kebabs.
Certain insects gift their beaus salivary offerings, yet these are not just any spitballs. These represent the nuptial gifts of scorpionflies, created from the freshest saliva from the engorged salivary glands of the most genetically superior males. The delicacy is packed with nutrients, a key reason why the females favor males with larger gifts.
An additional factor involves the most genetically robust males produce the largest gifts. By "fit" I am not referring to physical appearance, although they probably do. I refer to “fit” in the genetic sense.
These presents are offered prior to mating, thus, by selecting the male with the biggest package, the female is also choosing superior genes. She then consumes the gift during sex but ends intercourse as soon as it’s all gone. Larger gifts result in longer copulation times, during which the male can transfer more sperm and the female can’t mate with anyone else. This clarifies why he bothers creating such an intricate present.
Homeware and Shiny Objects
These Antarctic penguins don’t give food, but they do give nesting materials. On the icy continent, their home, one cannot find home improvement store, so the birds must gather their offerings from their surroundings. Every mating season, the males gather pebbles to begin constructing a nest. These crucial components are rare, prompting some chancers to steal pebbles from nearby nests. But when a male presents a stone to a potential mate, it is a sign his readiness for commitment. Think of it as the penguin equivalent of a diamond ring. The stone is not worn, however. If she also wants to get serious, she takes the gift and places it into the nest. Then, following some finishing touches, they are ready to start their family.
Regarding shiny things, corvids are masters in this department. Numerous stories of people who made friends with wild corvids and then been given metal caps, fasteners, fastenings and other shiny items. For instance, a couple in Florida even received a diamond bracelet from a crow they often fed. This is especially charming because while most animals give presents in the hope of scoring, crows apparently give simply for the joy of it.
The Pinnacle of Combination Gift: Sponges
Off the coast of Australia, researchers have observed dolphins collecting pieces of marine sponge from the seabed and using them in fascinating manners. On occasion, while foraging for fish, they place the sponges over their rostrum to shield their skin. At other times, when male dolphins wish to woo females, they don them as playful headwear before offering them as gifts.
In so doing, dolphins ingeniously merge the last two categories of holiday gifts. Marine sponges serve as attire and skincare. To make it even better, when males present their sponge gifts, they often strike a U-shaped “banana pose” and produce a whistling sound via their blowhole.
This is not the lackluster presents of domestic animals – like a cat leaving a dead mouse in an obscure corner – or some people. Dolphin presents are thoughtful, serve multiple uses, ethically gathered and delivered with panache. We can all learn for all of us. A famous singer claims that the only desire during the holidays “is you”, however, my single holiday wish, is to be given a sponge-based headwear and skin guard from a cetacean who serenades me in a stylish manner.
